I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
