i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
