There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
