Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
