i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
