the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
