I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
