Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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