Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
