I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
