The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
They took my balls.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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