My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
