I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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