i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
