i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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