so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
