Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
