I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
