I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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