So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
