hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Randomize
