her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
