I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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