i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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