one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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