Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize