good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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