Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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