I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
