It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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