If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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