Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Everyone says I win the strip club
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
