For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
