He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
