My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
