So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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