Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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