dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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