Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
