So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
