atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
