get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize