she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
