You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize