literally had 100 drinks last night.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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