I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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