I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I checked into jail on foursquare
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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