There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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