so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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