So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
