Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
