Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
