I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
