the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
