Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
