I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
