dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
