I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
