I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
