Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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