Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
