no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
