Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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