Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
