i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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