the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
