I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
