Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
