rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just puked most of my soul out..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
