i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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