Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
