when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
