I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
