i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
