i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
