we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
