I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
